


I'm thinking too much again

by shueis



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23031328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shueis/pseuds/shueis
Summary: Eichi has always had worries about being good enough. Whether he’s good enough for Ichiru and Issei. Whether he’s good enough to be apart of Quell and perform alongside them. Whether he’s good enough for Shu’s love.
Relationships: Horimiya Eichi/Izumi Shuu
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	I'm thinking too much again

Eichi has always had worries about being good enough. Whether he’s good enough for Ichiru and Issei. Whether he’s good enough to be apart of Quell and perform alongside them. Whether he’s good enough for Shu’s love.

And it gets so overwhelming.

He’s second-guessing everything he does; anxious that he’ll ruin his relationship with others, that they’ll leave him alone again and  **_‘oh, that’s a terrifying thought’_ ** -

“Eichi?” Shu’s voice calls out to him softly, a hand placed on Eichi’s shoulder while the other brushes over his own that are clasped tightly together - he must have been wringing his hands when he got lost in his own head, “Is everything okay?”   
  
“Yeah.” He realises he replies  _ way _ too mechanically, “No- Yeah- I’m fine!”. Eichi feels just how forced his smile is, he’s sure Shu can see it, and it pains him so much to lie to his face like this  **_‘I’m not worthy of his love’_ ** , “There’s nothing to worry about Shu.”

“I won’t push you to talk about it Eichi but-”  **_‘don’t’_ ** “I’m always here-”  **_‘please’_ ** “if you ever need to talk-”  **_‘I’m sorry’_ ** “okay..?” Shu speaks so softly, so gently, and smiles a smile that would usually heal him if it had been any other day. But today isn’t one of those days, and Eichi can feel his heart crack.

“I know.” His voice breaks when he speaks, his smile falling too fast after replying  _ ‘ _ **_I’m sorry, please don’t hate me. I’m so sorry’_ ** _. _

“Eichi,” Shu lifts his hand to Eichi’s face and cups his cheek  **_‘I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve you’_ ** , “I need to leave for a job now, but-”   
  
“Shu-” He tries to cut him off because he knows what he’s going to say and he really will break if he has to hear him say it.

“But, I can rearrange it if you need me here with you.” Shu finishes with a kiss, and  **_‘oh god I’m really going to cry’_ ** .

No. He won’t cry now. Not yet.

He takes a deep breath and tries his best to smile, “I’ll be fine. You should get going.”

“Okay.” But the way Shu’s face twists ever so slightly speaks volumes of how  _ not okay _ it is.

**_‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me I don’t think I could handle that’_ ** -

His thoughts are cut off by the sound of the front door closing.  **_‘Oh’_ ** is his only thought for a minute.  **_‘He didn’t even say goodbye’_ ** is his next thought, quickly followed by  **_‘I’ve upset him, it’s my fault, he must hate me now, I really am the worst’_ ** .

Eichi bolts into the bathroom and locks himself inside, sitting back against the door with his head in his hands.  **_‘I feel sick’_ ** but instead of throwing up he cries and  **_‘i can’t breathe, i can’t breathe, i’m sorry, please don’t leave me alone again’_ ** .

He sits there crying until there’s nothing left; until he’s left with a splitting headache and the lingering thought of  **_‘I’m not worthy of anything’_ ** .

**Author's Note:**

> vent fic time babey!! i haven't done much (if any lol) proof reading on this but i hope you like this mess anyway  
> title taken from 4am by girl in red!!
> 
> hmu on twitter @ mutsukilovemail ;)


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